Chely Wright's Life In The Closet

Chely Wright, country singer and the subject of the May5th outing, revealed that she had "cried a million times" for the pain that she caused fellow country singer and one-time boyfriend Brad Paisley. People magazine has printed exerpts from her new book in which the country star -- who came out as a lesbian -- says an unknowing Paisley was a victim of her sexuality secret.

"I have not been ashamed of myself often," she says in the book, "but I am ashamed of myself for choosing to be so cruel to another human being."

"Perhaps this book and my coming out will help him to understand," Wright says.
Wright explains she did "love" Paisley. "But I was not in love with him," she wrote. In fact, she says she often cried "during those moments of physical intimacy."

"And I have no idea what he made of it when I cried," she added.

Wright says that Paisley was talking about "forever" and marriage and couldn't understand the problem with the relationship.

"Well, except for the tiny little fact of me being a lesbian," she wrote. "I was hoping I would fall out of favor with him. No such luck."

Wright also revealed during an appearance on the Today show that at one point she picked up a gun and was close to pulling the trigger – trapped as a closeted lesbian and afraid of losing everything in a conservative industry that might not accept who she really was.

he pressure had been building, she said, ever since John Rich of country-music duo Big & Rich asked her if she was gay – the first time she'd ever been asked directly after years of avoiding the issue.

She recalls: "John finally asked me point blank: 'You're not gay. If you are, people won't have it. It's sick, it's deviant, it's unacceptable to country-music fans.' And he said, 'You're not, are you?' And I lied. And I knew that I had gone from not talking about it to being a liar."

The weight of that new burden nearly drove her to suicide – but she managed to face her fears instead. "I stopped praying for what I had always prayed for, which was 'Help me figure out a way to still have my career and everything,' " she says. "My prayer was: 'God, give me a moment's peace.' "

She adds: "I didn't hear God's voice. I didn't see a guy in a robe. But I heard God say what He'd been whispering in my ear all along: 'I expect one thing of you, and that's to tell the truth.' "

Wright, admits she has some trepidation about how fans will react to her announcement. "I am not not afraid," she says. "But I'm not ashamed." And besides, a huge weight has been lifted. "It feels incredible," she says. "I feel as if it's my birthday."

Though I applaud Wright for having the courage and strength to come out of the closet, it bothers me that it is tied into the release of her book and CD.  But I do feel that maybe her story and experiences will help shed light on something that no one can truly understand unless they are the person dealing with it.