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Saturday, May 29, 2010

Gossip Boy's Fash Bash


 Clay Aiken
Mavis Beyotch: When did Clay Aiken become a middle aged lesbian?  Sorry, that was probably offensive - to middle aged lesbians.
Zipper Pull: It would seem that Jude has started a trend of flesh colored shoes on pasty men. We all hate to travel, but, come on, you were a famous singer for like 20 minutes, you have a duty to NOT dress like a lesbian nun in public.
Fat Ninja: Overnight bag: check. Comfy shoes for swollen feet: Check. Laptop for solitaire while we wait: check. Ok ma'am, Let's go have this baby!
Gossip Boy: No, sweetie....just....no.

Jenny Wade
 Mavis Beyotch: No puffed sleeves after puberty… unless it’s part of the beer garden’s costume.
Zipper Pull and Fat Ninja were unable to comment on this dress.  Apparently they both got the sudden craving for some Paulie Girl and haven't been seen since.

Mia Michaels
Mavis Beyotch: Trying to channel Flashdance will not bring back the 80s, nor will it give you Jennifer Beals body, my dear
Zipper Pull: I have been waiting a long time to be able to say a few “words” about you. * Yawn * You actually look kind of Ok. Dammit. If you get the cute boys topless a lot on SYTYCD this season, I will back off.
Fat Ninja: OMG! How the hell is Mia Michaels supposed to choreograph this season's SYTYCD when BOTH her ankles are broken? Too much Fat Ninja training?
The Gossip Boy: Does she have a watermelon up there?

Sophia Bush And Austin Nichols
Mavis Beyotch:  Did someone need to outline his pocket so he could find it?  And, Sophia darling, tie-dye went out with the Grateful Dead.  And I’d be grateful if you put that dress out of its misery.
Zipper Pull: Two beards...One pose...Lackluster choices.
Fat Ninja: This whole scene is a nightmare. Undone hair, beards, and evidently, dishevelled is the new black. Fat Ninja needs a stiff one after this mess. Anyone with me?... Austin? ...... Austin? 
Gossip Boy: I am sorry but are we supposed to believe that maybe you pulled a Angelina and Billy Bob and screwed in the limo before arriving?  Slobs.
Vanessa Hudgens
Mavis Beyotch: Why do I always think of a kewpie doll whenever I see this girl?  One who is about 10 minutes away from doing porn.  Maybe because her dress looks like a towel, that will conveniently drop when the pizza delivery guy shows up.  Bow chica bow wow.
Zipper Pull: Well to her credit, her legs are crossed 
Gossip Boy: For once
Fat Ninja: When walking the red carpet for LG night of Fashion, shouldn't a girl go from shower to wardrobe? Not shower straight to event still with a wet head and wrapped in a towel? 
Eva Longoria and Victoria Beckham
Mavis Beyotch:These two are so tragic in every possible way that it just makes me want to weep.  Silently. Into a very large martini.  With a well muscled young gentleman gently wiping away the tears.  I need a moment now.
Zipper Pull: Becks has had so much botox, she is literally tuning into a needle. Cute little dress though, she owns it. Eva on the other hand looks like she GOT owned. By a band of pissed off stylists and make-up artists. Looks like Vick introduced her to Sharon Needles.
Fat Ninja: First of all, Kim Kardashian lost weight AND height. How the hell is she holding up drunk Vicki B who is now so thin her napkin dress has had to be gathered and stapled to her abdomen and vagina? Fat Ninja say NO!

 Sarah Jessica Parker
Mavis Beyotch: Will someone remind me why people think this woman has taste and/or style?  I’ve seen more attractive straitjackets
Zipper Pull: So, I know this a couture piece, I know it took 100's of hours to make, I know you have choices as well. But, really, this 80's prom throwback is the best you could do? Did you lose a bet with Rachel Zoe???
Fat Ninja: When starvation diets just don't shed all those unsightly pounds, get the bodice of your dress designed to look like your skeleton and voila - I'm a SKINNY BITCH!
Gossip Boy: For one, you cannot wear a dress like that when one has to wonder if that is your bra or a belt.  Are they doing a Beetlejuice remake?
 Jessica Simpson
Mavis Beyotch: I have two questions:  where did her breasts go and do those flaps serve any purpose at all?  It takes a fine mind to figure the thing to add to a curvy body is useless bits of fabric.
Zipper Pull: Okay a 3peat offender, so I will give 3 responses, pick your favorite. A)Judy Jetson called, she wants her dress back B)Exactly how uncomfortable are you poor boobies?? The poor things look like they are in a vice. C)At least your NOT wearing Lea Michelle on your shoulder this time.
Fat Ninja: After trying her hand at every music genre on earth over the past decade, JSimp is going to see if she can top the Outer Space Charts in the future. LG is sponsoring the red carpet walk to her Time Machine Rocket Ship. Bon Voyage!!
Gossip Boy: She is giving up Hollywood to be a stewardess. I want my peanuts, Bitch.
 

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

...oh my...don't they pay people to make sure they don't leave the house looking like catastrophic events..fortunately or (un..depending on how you look at it) it does make for funny comments...oh.gb..love ur 2cents!

Anonymous said...

LMFAO

Callie said...

I am ROLLING!! Spit coffee on my screen for goodness sake! Ow, my stomach hurts from laughing.

Discobitch said...

i think i knew about 3 of these people! why is j/simpson famous? i've only seen her in that film remake and the skanky vid she did for it :s have i missed something???

Anonymous said...

Well, at least that look proves that Posh is still human and capable of making mistakes!

Dragonlady said...

OMG, can you imagine how bad these folks would look like if they had to shop at the mall like half of us do?

Can you see JS at Reitmans? Course maybe she'd get a plus size that would fit those boobs. We'd have to send Posh to the children's section of Walmart, course then she'd have to buy something that would actually cover her up. SJP bought that get up from the Rocky Horror Picture Show wardrobe department, then she added a skirt.
Oh god, too funny!
I love the color on VH but the only thing holding the dress up is the weight of the necklaces and I'm sure Frozie was wearing the same dress as Sophia a few weeks ago. Maybe there's a special dress bank for beards. Like a food bank but for dresses, LOL.

I love you guys, so glad you started this, it just made my entire day!

Trixie Firecracker said...

TOO FUNNY, GB!

I Love Fat Ninja so much! And I'm glad to see some of your comments added as well.

"I want my peanuts, Bitch" = LOL!

Hollowdoll said...

Is Austin wearing his sweater inside out? I bet if he turned around you would see his tag!

Jorge Rodrigues said...

Fat Ninja: First of all, Kim Kardashian lost weight AND height.

Fat Ninja: When starvation diets just don't shed all those unsightly pounds, get the bodice of your dress designed to look like your skeleton and voila - I'm a SKINNY BITCH!

Gossip Boy: She is giving up Hollywood to be a stewardess. I want my peanuts, Bitch.


LOL - you guys crack me up