Fash Bash

Ashley Greene

Mavis Beyotch: Even though it looks slightly like she's wearing a bed sheet, it's simple and elegant.  Vive le bed sheet!
Kate's Evil Twin: The bed sheet, really Nikki?  Aren't you dating some bazillionaire left over who used to date Paris Hilton?  Did Paris Hilton sneak in one night with the spare key and take all your good clothes?  Wait.  *listens*  So.... apparently this is NOT Nikki Reed.  This is some other interchangeable actress who plays a vampire. Whatever, it's still a bed sheet.
Gossip Boy: Dude, you got the money you wanted, you can stop playing the poor girl and wearing your linens.

 Madonna

Mavis Beyotch: Poor dear.  She is somehow confused and believes that she's still in Dick Tracey...this time as  Dick Tracey.  Must be that hot young cabana boy she has.  Has made her brain just the tiniest bit squishy.

Kate's Evil Twin: Here are my keys.  It's a black Audi.  Don't scratch it this time and don't drive it too fast around the block or you won't get Mr. George Washington here.

Gossip Boy: What the F*ck?

 Nikki Reed

Mavis Beyotch: So this is how the swan dress that silly Bjorck wore years ago was recycled.  Either that, or she has a serious addiction to chicken, and doesn't know what to do with the feathers.

Kate's Evil Twin: So THIS is Nikki Reed.  Honey, Kristen is pulling off the random figure skater dress much better than you.  It's all about the accessories.  See below.

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner

Mavis Beyotch: I wonder what terrible accident happened on the way that caused the sleeve to fall off.  Maybe that werewolf got a bit peckish.  But I'm happy she hooked up with those nice gentlemen from the 50s skiffle band.

Kate's Evil Twin: Oh hallo boys.  Brava Kristen, brava!  You see, Kristen here is following all of the Kate Bosworth fashion rules.  When in doubt about your questionably fashionable cotton ball dress, accessorize with a young hot, presumably gay actor.  Or two.  Always keep a spare penis on hand, I always say. And a breath mint.  Three cheers for Kristen!

Gossip Boy: Eenie, meanie, miney mo, which of these people looks like a big ole mo?  That's right, I said it.

 Gwyneth Paltrow

Mavis Beyotch: I am sure when this dress is finished it will be lovely.  What?  It is?  I am so embarrassed.

Kate's Evil Twin: Dear Gwyneth, What's going on?  I haven't seen you in ages!!!  I miss our girl time at the spa; colonics, detoxes, botoxes, talking about boys and all those things that Chris does that drive you crazy.  I kept a list you know, like good friends do.  I see you're still living out of a suitcase, fashioning dresses from tablecloths.  Please call if you want to borrow a dress that wasn't sewn by child laborers named Apple.  Love you miss you! Kate's Evil Twin.

Victoria Beckham

Mavis Beyotch: Channeling the 90s.  When the Spice Girls mattered, even ever so slightly.  And when she last ate something other than paper towels.

Kate's Evil Twin: I'm too scared to criticize this outfit.  Have you heard what fembots from outerspace can do to a 98 lb waif like myself??  

Gossip Boy: Start saving for that hip replacement you are going to need.

 Jessica Alba

Mavis Beyotch: This is what happens when bad clothes happen to beautiful people.  You forget that they're beautiful and just concentrate on the ugly.

Kate's Evil Twin:The first student in Victoria Beckham's Fembot from Outerspace School for Desperately Edgy Actresses.  First lesson.  Master the bitchface, Jessica, or people will keep laughing at your shoes.  And your hair.

Khloe Kardashian

Mavis Beyotch: I think it's very sweet of her mother to not have ever told her she was the chubby, unattractive sister.  However, it's now time for someone to do that.

Kate's Evil Twin: As anyone who follows me on Twitter (@kateseviltwin) knows, I am a bevy of incredibly astute fashion advice.  One of the questions I get asked over and over again is, "how should a fat girl dress?"  (I'm currently in the process of eliminating all fat followers, but never mind).  Khloe, please follow me on twitter because you are breaking ALL THE RULES. 1. Wear black. 2. Don't show skin (ew.) 3. Spanx are more than your sister's favorite bedroom activity. See you on twitter!

Check It Out

Someone should tell her that this has NOTHING to do with her!


You kiss Dustin Hoffman and now you think you are God or something?

Is it because you couldn't be cast as Bella due to over sluttiness?


Wow, does your penis feel bigger now?

Stop fallin, stop fallin I don't wanna judge anymore

Mini Blinds

1- This young teenage star held out sex from her boyfriend the entire time they dated, even though he oozes young sex appeal.  She had heard stories of him with his ex, but she was adamant on not sleeping together.  After a little bit longer, he finally convinced her that oral was "not having sex." Then next thing you know he walks in on her "not having sex" with his best friend.  Not Joe Jonas

2-  Which married couple spent the past two evenings in separate NYC hotel rooms?  She likes heroin and he likes cocaine and once a month they go on binges.  Separate rooms so that he can have his boy guests come in to help work off the stamina.  She gets wasted and watches movies from when she was an A-List name. Not Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner

3- This tot has no idea that their parents are not really their parents.  Turns out that the star dad doesn't like sex at all but hates the gay rumors.  So he took a famous wife and stayed out of view while she was "pregnant."  Not Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

Dear Gossip Boy

Dear Gossip Boy,

I enjoy your blog in general but I have a question for you. Why is there such a double standard in general when it comes to male bisexuality as opposed to female bisexuality. Anna Paquin, Angelina Jolie and others have talked pretty openly about being bisexual to the point that it has gotten boring, but whenever there is talk of a man who has had sex with other men there is an automatic assumption that he is gay and whatever hetero relationships he has are beards. Although there are some obvious cases where stars are 100% homosexual and bearding themselves isn't their room for the assumptions of such things as swingers, bisexuality, open marraige in Hollywood which after all is supposed to be a community of artists ( usually con-artists I admit it) . 

Sincerely

Lala

You make me wanna Lala,

I think overall that the talk of who is gay and who isn't has become boring.  Celebrities coming out have increased with the new generation of liberal stars, though the women get an easier pass.  Female bisexuality is a lot more forgiving in the eyes of people.  Mainly because it's every straight mans dream and in case you haven't noticed, there are more girl on girl scenes than guy on guy.  Women don't lose credit it seems whereas men seem to think that they lose their masculinity.  I am not ashamed of being gay, but I am ashamed of the stereotype that people have of gays and it leads me to not want to be associated with that stereotype.  

GB - 

We're worried about you. You haven't posted in 6 days. If you are trapped under a major appliance or need bail money, please let us know, and we'll send help. Love, BG

Blind Gossip,

Your letter made me smile so I thought I would share it. Hope you don't mind, but you have been added to the phone tree for when I need bail money....again. 

 

Dear Gossip Boy, 

Just wanna say I adore you and I visit your site about 18 times a day.
Now something I've always been curious about. How does the professional process of 'having a beard/fauxmance' work? Is there a sit-down with contracts, or when the couple is just doing it for press - do they ever actually fool around in real life? Could you explain this to me. 

Love and kisses to you and my fav fashion spittalker MB, 

Emma 

Emma,

It's actually quite formal and PR handles most of it.  And yes they do sometimes fool around in real life, but usually with the help of loneliness and a bottle of Jack.  I believe I wrote something on the levels of bearding.

Dear GB

Old news, BUT...is there any chance that Macbeth just genuinely wants Romeo back, rather than "riding the wave?"  I always hope that there's SOMEONE who isn't just a fame hungry douche in that place.  Which leads me to my next question...do you know  of anyone, anyone at all in HW, who is as nice as they claim to be?  No pretending, no spin, just a genuinely nice person who does what they do because they enjoy it?
Anyway, keep up the good work!

<3 Antinous

Antinous,

Macbeth and Romeo have a long history of tortured love.  These two are soul mates in my opinion, but the timing isn't always right.  As for real people on HW, there are a couple who are genuine, but sadly one of them just retired.

Hi GB,

If Rainbow Dark is who I think he is, then I guess Sunshine decided to break up with him this week (and probably keep hooking up with her foreign lover, am I right?). Hopefully you will answer this in "Dear GB".

Thanks, Nini

Nini,

Nini,

Sunshine and RD have come to an agreement, but if you think it had to do with Sunshine, you are wrong.  I hear the RD has been chasing a friend of ours with the excuse that he realizes that he loves him.  I think Sunshine got kicked out on her ass.  And who said they broke up this week? 

GB,
Can you shed any light on the reason Jared has become such a taboo topic on Ted's site? Is he simply too boring when Danneel gives him plenty of amo about her and Jensen? The other day it seemed like he was suggesting he knew something but just wouldn't say, and he never used to have any problem gossiping about him. I'm starting to get whiplash from all of the times he has changed his tune! Or is he just messing with us? Seems to be what he does best...
BC

BC,

Since Jared and Gen married, Jared has been way below the radar while his bestie Jensen and Danneel have been anything but.  The ones who love the attention are getting it while the others are off hiding in seclusion.  Kinda like people who make you look in one direction while the action is going on in the other....get it?

Dear GossipBoy,

Did you release the major scoop you hinted at on twitter last week? Was it the reveal of Alex O'Laughlin's blind in last week's Dear GossipBoy? Love your site, thanks for everything you do for us fans!

Tory

Tory,

The major scoop wasn't released because the facts were nearly impossible to check, but it is a humdinger.  The reveal was my way of making it up to ya.

Dear GB,

Please, Please Please tell me about Reese and Jake's break-up! Is it true that he was cheating on her the whole time and she caught him?

Lori Anne

Lori,

Remember the Survivor controversy when one of the contestants was thought to be hooking up with another contestant but he was just a cover for her hooking up with the camera man that followed them?  And our sweet, sexy Jake is anything but the cheater.

Gossip Boy,

We have missed you and hope that all is well.  I dunno if there will be a dear gb but I had to ask what you thought about Austin Nichols and Sophia Bush joining Twitter to raise money and/or get attention.  Don't they seem a little bit comical in their attempts to be big names?

Scottie

Scottie,

I sure that whoever told them to join Twitter had convinced them that they would have fun with it.  But you can promise that these two are all about the attention these days. Their photos ops are brilliantly staged and edited. With bffs like Danneel Harris and Jake Gyllenhaal, can you blame them?  Wonder how much longer until they convince Jakey to start tweeting?

Amanda Bynes Retires

Amanda Bynes has shocked a lot of fans and most of Hollywood by announcing that she is retiring from acting at the ripe age of 24.  Though people think that she is too young to retire, you must remember that the young girl has been in the business for 13 years.

Amanda is a rare find in HW, something that is too overlooked.  She is an amazingly talented young actress with her head on her shoulders and the ability to be sexy and hilarious at the same time.  She and actress Anna Faris seem to have a lot in common, except that Amanda is unable to find her break-out role.

Bynes admits that she is quitting because acting isn't a fun business, and she ain't lying.  However, life isn't always fun, Mandy.  We are just lucky that as actors we make enough money to just walk away from the business and live a normal life. 

I wish you all the best Amanda and I really hope you aren't serving me my salad in a couple of years.