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Friday, June 18, 2010

Fash Bash

Gossip Boy's Fashion Police is back. We have a new addition to the team and it just happens to be Kate Bosworth's Evil Twin. This woman is nothing like Kate, she actually swallows her food. But she is much more evil than Kate which makes us love her even more. She joins Mavis Beyotch as they tear apart celebs for their sad choice in clothing.

Cate Blanchett
Mavis Beyotch: I love Cate Blancett.  However, I’m not sure why she let Tilda Swinton style her for the evening.  Also, dearest, please eat a cookie.  Or two.

Kate's Evil Twin: So my ex-boyfriend, Orlando, used to make me watch this movie about Queen Elizabeth saying Cate Blanchett was all "talented" and "mindblowing" and "Oscar- worthy" but  I didn't see what was so great about it.  They never even showed Princess Diana.  I don't get why Cate can wear this and be "fierce" and "provocative" but if I, the evil twin of Kate Bosworth, showed up in an outfit made up of a deflated mylar balloon and an emergency blanket, all I would hear is, "trashy whore," "recycle, much?" and "eat a sandwich, Kate!"  Life is so unfair!

Gossip Boy: Cate seems to have not let go of the fact she wasn't chosen to play Tin Man in the Wizard Of Oz remake.

Catherine Zeta Jones

Mavis Beyotch: In support of the marine life in the Gulf of Mexico, CZJ drapes a quite nice powder blue gown with a fishnet.  I’m not sure how it helps the oil soaked fish, but…power to you, Cath!

Gossip Boy: I think that this dress is gorgeous!  Now if only she could get her face to move as freely.
 Lea Michele
Mavis Beyotch: How can you see with all that hair in your face?  (Sorry, am channeling my own dear mama with that).  Perhaps that’s the excuse Lea has for not remembering to put on a dress.

Kate's Evil Twin: 
Distractingly awful hair?  Check.
Smug smirk? Check.
Dirty beige color that drains all life from the wearer and anyone within 10 feet?  Check.
A dress that tries to be sexy but just ends up looking cheap and sort of disturbingly slutty?  Check.
Um, Lea?  YOU HAVE STOLEN KATE BOSWORTH'S LOOK.  Give it back, bitch.

Gossip Boy: Okay Lea, we get it.  You think your sexy. But no matter how much bra you flaunt, he is still gonna be gay at the end of the day.

 Mavis Beyotch: Kristen Chenoweth looks like a very perky Stepford Wife wearing a very sparkly bath towel.  In Vegas.  In the 1960s.

Gossip Boy: Um....sorry I got distracted by all of the sparkles.  

 Gwyneth Paltrow
Mavis Beyotch: I also pair my Chanel jacket with my Gap shorts.  When I’ve had a bit too much of the sherry.

Kate's Evil Twin: Dear Chris: Hey, how are you?  I am fine.  It's been a while.  I've been thinking about you. ;-) I saw a picture of Gwyneth and I guess you finally kicked her out because she looked like she had to leave in a hurry and toss whatever was clean into a surprisingly small suitcase and then wear it all at once, even if she looked like Perimenopausal Coco Chanel. Call me, EvilKate.

Gossip Boy: The rich bitch equivalent to bumming it in daisy dukes.

Michelle Williams 
Mavis Beyotch: Personally, I blame the latest vampire craze for the influx of Morticia Addams dresses.  That, or Bebe Neuwirth is a fashion power player and I’m not aware of it.

Kate's Evil Twin: Oh Halle Berry, get your sexy model boy toy back because apparently he took your hotness with him when he moved out.

Gossip Boy: It's like cat woman mixed with Barney and a dash of Rihanna's hair.
 Jessica Alba
Mavis Beyotch: If anyone needed a poster child for reasons why NOT to have children, Jessica’s post motherhood wardrobe gives her an edge.

Gossip Boy: Does she know we can actually see her?
Katie Holmes
Mavis Beyotch: Mrs. Cruise has obviously turned to doughnuts to assuage her life in Scientology prison.  Either that, or the dress shrunk in the wash.

Gossip Boy: How embarrassing to accidentally put on your smaller husband's dress instead of your own!  That's the downfall of sharing the same taste as Tom.


Callie said...

Gossip Boy: How embarrassing to accidentally put on your smaller husband's dress instead of your own!

I'm going to have to tarp my computer screen if you keep posting zingers like that one GB.

April said...

Oh god! You guys are the best! I'm laughing so hard I cried. Then I went back and just looked at the pictures again and cried for real. My ribs hurt from laughing so hard. I think I'm gonna print that put that one on my bulletin board of inspiration and fun.

Anonymous said...

Oh my. I really like Kate Bosworth. I think she is actaully one of the better actresses out there but i am just baffled by her career. Looks like she has a slew of movies coming out so maybe it will pick up

Jamie Dal Cero said...

GB, love it, Kate Bosworth's evil twin. Can't you just hear the evil cackle as well, LMAO!

Thanks, your awesome!!!

Jorge Rodrigues said...

I love you all :D

You should totally start a fashion police magazine :)

GossipBoy, your comments about Katie and Alba made my day.

BobNYC said...

Best Fashion Police ever. Thanks for this. Laughed SO hard!. Thanks!!!

Anonymous said...

This is OT but I need to ramble...Just saw this on James Franco.

And last week he was filming LA Pride. His first short film was all about the homoerotic. Working in two films about gay icons..Soap Opera Fan...Etc. Etc. Etc.

Shouldnt one of the columnists just address this??? Like Im not saying he is gay. Just saying I dont know any straight guys whose hobby apparently is anything realted to homosexuality. Is he doing some performance art piece? Like how many hints can he drop?

lisa nielson said...

Best Fash Bash EVER! EvilKate is so insightful, more please!

Anonymous said...

hmmmm. ... Chace is in England partying with Matthew Morrison. Odd?

Anonymous said...

Go GB, Mavis and Evil Kate. You're all great! Such fun to read. BTW, the Orlando reference was hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Love this feature GB. EvilKate is genius. Party with the Captain!

Anonymous said...

Your Fashion blog is the bestest ever! So much fun it's illegal in 24 states. GB and Mavis and EvilKate...Triumverate of Awesome? I think so.

PistolPete said...

Evil Kate I love, love, love you!

Anonymous said...

Evil Kate, are you fat ninja's sister? If so, your whole family rocks!