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Monday, December 31, 2012

10 People Who Need To Go Away In 2013

With a new year upon us, what better way to start it off then with a new outlook of life.  However, to achieve this said new outlook, we must get rid of the garbage. You know, the celebs, or wanna be celebs, that we have had our fill of.  The ones that drain the living daylights out of  us to the point where you just want to reach through the television, grab Barbara Walters by her frail shoulders and ask her why in the hell she is contributing to the filth that keeps these people around?

10. Honey Boo Boo Child

Here is the thing about this poor child.  What started out as a little girl just wanting to play dress up and interact with other girls her age has turned into a three ring circus.  Yes, we can blame her parents for selling out and allowing the cameras to follow their every embarrassing move. However, in my eyes the blame really lays on TLC.  This is the same network that brought us the once loving couple Jon and Kate.  TLC not only drained the Gosselins until they had earned every last penny off of the family that they could, but they left destruction in their wake.  When will people learn that this is the quickest way to ruin a family?  Honey Boo Boo and her family have earned a good amount of money already I am sure.  At least enough for them to maintain their lifestyle comfortably without having to coupon to the point that their pantry looks like the back room at Costco. Someone at TLC get a soul and cancel this show before you ruin what truly is an honest, loving family.

9. Lindsay Lohan
Look, girlie, I love you to pieces, but goddamn am I tired of hearing your "somebody done me wrong song."  You are a grown ass woman. I am sorry that you have become a joke, sorry that people see you and see a lawsuit, and I am even more sorry that a fame hungry no-name boy bander led you to believe he liked you just to get in the headlines. But enough is enough already. My mom always used to tell me, "Shit or get off the pot."  Well, Linds, I am passing that off to you.  Either get your shit together once and for all or get the hell out of our faces.

8. Justin Bieber 
I am not even sure where to begin with this one. He is talented, don't get me wrong.  But somewhere along the way, Usher rubbed off on his protege and now the Beibs has turned into a douchbag in training.  I get that this is an awkward age for a boy, right on the cusp of manhood.  Here's some advice, take a year off, let your balls drop and come back a man.  Live life so that your songs actually have some meaning behind them.  Become a true artist.  But seriously dude, take a break before Selena Gomez has your head on a platter.

7. Taylor Swift
I am going to be blunt, we are all on to you Tay.  While you still had the squeaky clean, good girl in the street image, you were able to wrangle your way into the hearts of some of Hollywood's most eligible bachelors. Some were real, some were fake.  But as time passed, everyone caught on to you.  They caught on to the fact the you were a product, a very well invested in product.  Do you even think for yourself anymore?  Now that no decent man will date you, you have made it your mission to start dating younger men who are still in training wheels.  Make no mistake, Taylor Swift is a Lioness in sheeps clothing.  She may seem like the victim in every relationship, but she has everything so plotted out that I'm sure she schedules blinking. I understand that singers write about what they know, but when it becomes so obvious that you have run out of ideas for songs and that you have turned into vintage Eminem in a prettier package, then you gots to get steppin.  We've already seen that show.

6. Demi Moore
This is a different case, because I respect Demi and think that she at one time was an amazing actress and had amazing potential.  The reason I want her to go away though is simple.  It's because I want someone in her camp/family to wake the hell up. She is obviously going through it, losing Ashton has broken her.  Say what you want, but they were happy and when you are that happy and expect it to be that way forever, it's an earth shattering moment when you realize that that isn't the case.  She has three daughter, an ex-husband who used to be around constantly, and even though he is off porking Mila, Ashton.  Christ, she and Punky Brewster use to be BFF. Why has no one stepped up to help her?  Oh, because each and everyone has already gotten what they wanted from her.  Someone put Demi in rehab before it's too late.

5. The Houston's
You are bunch of money hungry, assholes.  You have done nothing but sell out the memory of Whitney Houston by not only getting a reality show, but by selling a picture of her in her casket.  You should all be ashamed of yourselves and I do pray that karma bites you in your broke ass when it all goes away.

4. Cast Of The Jersey Shore
No explanation needed

3. Nicki Minaj
You my non-friend, are trying way to hard.  Not only do you make a spectacle of yourself on the daily, but you are starting fights with your big mouth that your ass won't be able to cash.  I don't know what your deal is, but it's lame.  I know we will be forced to watch you all season on American Idol, but I pray that Mariah loses it, has a Tommy Motola flashback leaves nothing but your bight yellow wig sitting on the judges table.  That's if you don't piss of King Seacrest first.

2. Donald Trump
Dude, nobody cares.  We don't care about your threats that I'm sure in your head was equivalent to a James Bond mission.  We just don't care, about any of it.  Not even your hair anymore, and that's saying something.

1. All Things Kardashian
Really, was there any doubt that this family wouldn't top the list? I mean we have Kris Jenner, who obviously sold her soul to the devil (Ryan Seacrest) years ago. And now, she would sell her child to make a commission. I'm actually not sure that she hasn't.

Khloe used to be my favorite, and when it came out she may not be a real Kardashian, it all made sense.  We all know in our heart of hearts that she looked exactly like Kris's hairdresser.  I mean.  But that's not what this is about.  It's about the way she co-hosts The X Factor.  Maybe because Mario lopez is a seasoned host and is obviously better suited for the job than her, or maybe it's the awkward way that she flirts with Simon. No, I think it's that botoxed smile that she keeps plastered on her face.

Then we have the Kim and Kanye shit show.  I mean, really.  For all that is holy, buy an island in the shape of a booty and go make sex tapes until your crotch chaffs.

Kourtney is obviously oblivious to the real world and just along for the ride, which if Scott Disik was the ride, I'd be game as well.

Even the little Jenners have started invading the world.  The only one I don't mind is  Rob, partially because I see that he feels like the odd one out.  He hasn't found a brand that his mother can sell yet, but I see a brand that I wouldn't mind helping feel a little better and I am sure I could raise the stocks better than some cheetah girl.


Anonymous said...

Agree with all of the above. Honey Boo Boo. I lose brain cells just thinking about that show.

The Kardasians, they just need to go away as well. Unfortunately every where I went online today there was something about Kim and Kanya's baby. AGGGGGGG There will be no where to hide in a few months. I may have to unplug my computer.

Lindsay Lohan....part of me wants to feel sorry for her but damn isnt she her own worst enemy. I dont think there is a way out for her. Too bad. If she had people who actually cared for her instead of using her as a meal ticket she could get some actual help.

As for the rest, I'm just plain burned out on Taylor and The Beeb. Thankfully I have never watched a single episode of Jersey Shore or the Houstons though I am embarrassed as a human being that stuff like that exits.

Good to have you back GB. Now can we get a belated Penis Monday to start the new year off right?

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Anonymous said...

You are a truly talented observer "gossip boy'

Anonymous said... so damn witty!.. No wonder it's fun tryng to figure out who you are

Anonymous said...

I agree with all but Honey Boo Boo. 1. The family really loves each other. 2. KATE GOSSLEIN? REALLY? LOVING FAMILY? OMG did you you miss the mark on that one LOL

Anonymous said...

The Lohans are white trash from the Island, they used the kid as a cash cow, she is twisted. Maybe she cant help it but she cant act anymore (Liz and Dicked), treats people like crap (ask America Ferrara and crew of Ugly Betty)how many chances does she get?

Anonymous said...

The Lohans are white trash from the Island, they used the kid as a cash cow, she is twisted. Maybe she cant help it but she cant act anymore (Liz and Dicked), treats people like crap (ask America Ferrara and crew of Ugly Betty)how many chances does she get?

Anonymous said...

Miss you! When are you coming back?

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Anonymous said...

Hey Gossip Boy. It's been so long I almost forgot about you. You updated the site before disappearing. Does that mean you intend to eventually return, or are you basically over it? I hope you're well and doing OK.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Anonymous above. We miss you, GB. Can we at least get some closure or at least an update on Rainbow Dark and Justin Case?

shellene Hervieux said...

I am following your blog I hope you can follow me back I have a gossip news blog as well

Anonymous said...

Dear Gossip Boy, please come back. This was always my favorite site. Hope all is well with you.