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Friday, June 25, 2010

Fash Bash

Ashley Greene
Mavis Beyotch: Even though it looks slightly like she's wearing a bed sheet, it's simple and elegant.  Vive le bed sheet!
Kate's Evil Twin: The bed sheet, really Nikki?  Aren't you dating some bazillionaire left over who used to date Paris Hilton?  Did Paris Hilton sneak in one night with the spare key and take all your good clothes?  Wait.  *listens*  So.... apparently this is NOT Nikki Reed.  This is some other interchangeable actress who plays a vampire. Whatever, it's still a bed sheet.
Gossip Boy: Dude, you got the money you wanted, you can stop playing the poor girl and wearing your linens.

Mavis Beyotch: Poor dear.  She is somehow confused and believes that she's still in Dick Tracey...this time as  Dick Tracey.  Must be that hot young cabana boy she has.  Has made her brain just the tiniest bit squishy.
Kate's Evil Twin: Here are my keys.  It's a black Audi.  Don't scratch it this time and don't drive it too fast around the block or you won't get Mr. George Washington here.
Gossip Boy: What the F*ck?

 Nikki Reed
Mavis Beyotch: So this is how the swan dress that silly Bjorck wore years ago was recycled.  Either that, or she has a serious addiction to chicken, and doesn't know what to do with the feathers.
Kate's Evil Twin: So THIS is Nikki Reed.  Honey, Kristen is pulling off the random figure skater dress much better than you.  It's all about the accessories.  See below.
Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner
Mavis Beyotch: I wonder what terrible accident happened on the way that caused the sleeve to fall off.  Maybe that werewolf got a bit peckish.  But I'm happy she hooked up with those nice gentlemen from the 50s skiffle band.
Kate's Evil Twin: Oh hallo boys.  Brava Kristen, brava!  You see, Kristen here is following all of the Kate Bosworth fashion rules.  When in doubt about your questionably fashionable cotton ball dress, accessorize with a young hot, presumably gay actor.  Or two.  Always keep a spare penis on hand, I always say. And a breath mint.  Three cheers for Kristen!
Gossip Boy: Eenie, meanie, miney mo, which of these people looks like a big ole mo?  That's right, I said it.
 Gwyneth Paltrow
Mavis Beyotch: I am sure when this dress is finished it will be lovely.  What?  It is?  I am so embarrassed.
Kate's Evil Twin: Dear Gwyneth, What's going on?  I haven't seen you in ages!!!  I miss our girl time at the spa; colonics, detoxes, botoxes, talking about boys and all those things that Chris does that drive you crazy.  I kept a list you know, like good friends do.  I see you're still living out of a suitcase, fashioning dresses from tablecloths.  Please call if you want to borrow a dress that wasn't sewn by child laborers named Apple.  Love you miss you! Kate's Evil Twin.
Victoria Beckham
Mavis Beyotch: Channeling the 90s.  When the Spice Girls mattered, even ever so slightly.  And when she last ate something other than paper towels.
Kate's Evil Twin: I'm too scared to criticize this outfit.  Have you heard what fembots from outerspace can do to a 98 lb waif like myself??  
Gossip Boy: Start saving for that hip replacement you are going to need.
 Jessica Alba
Mavis Beyotch: This is what happens when bad clothes happen to beautiful people.  You forget that they're beautiful and just concentrate on the ugly.
Kate's Evil Twin:The first student in Victoria Beckham's Fembot from Outerspace School for Desperately Edgy Actresses.  First lesson.  Master the bitchface, Jessica, or people will keep laughing at your shoes.  And your hair.
Khloe Kardashian
Mavis Beyotch: I think it's very sweet of her mother to not have ever told her she was the chubby, unattractive sister.  However, it's now time for someone to do that.
Kate's Evil Twin: As anyone who follows me on Twitter (@kateseviltwin) knows, I am a bevy of incredibly astute fashion advice.  One of the questions I get asked over and over again is, "how should a fat girl dress?"  (I'm currently in the process of eliminating all fat followers, but never mind).  Khloe, please follow me on twitter because you are breaking ALL THE RULES. 1. Wear black. 2. Don't show skin (ew.) 3. Spanx are more than your sister's favorite bedroom activity. See you on twitter!


Anonymous said...

Does Nikki even have any lines in these films. Along with her weight Kloe seems to be the only Kartrashian blessed with a personality.

Hawt said...

What I want to know is why are Rob and Taylor wearing the same exact suit just in different colors? Really? Was it a prom night rental special?

Anonymous said...

OMG, KET, you're right! Nikki and Kristen are wearing figure skater dresses. LMFAO!

Anonymous said...

"Which of these people is a big ole mo"?

All of them?

entertainment crumb said...

Regarding Rob's suit: I thought the phrase was 'Christmas in July' not June. Now, can somebody please kindly explain to me what a 'big ole mo' is?

Anonymous said...

Big ol' mo means a homo - Ho Mo, get it. Taylor is the homo. My gaydar blares when that boy talks, walks, smiles, looks at him, though.

I think Rob is bi...all English men are, it's part of their citizenship oath.


Callie said...

3. Spanx are more than your sister's favorite bedroom activity.

Dammitall, I spit all over my monitor screen AGAIN!!! LOLOLOL, you guys are killing me.......

BobNYC said...

Callie honey you are doing so much spitting over these GB posts, I'm going to send you an embroidered bib. Love ya!

entertainment crumb said...

@Anonymous of 3:51PM:
And with this new info I'm going to go ahead and say that they're all big ole mos!

Hollowdoll said...

Gossip Boy: Eenie, meanie, miney mo, which of these people is a big ole mo? That's right, I said it.

TOO FUNNY! thanx I really needed a good laff! More than you know!

Anonymous said...

I cannot believe I am defending a Kardashian but MAN it is no mystery why women all over the world have body issues.
Sure hate on her b/c she is a fame whore but she has a curvy figure.
You are just showing your prejudice for something she can't help kind of like being a 'Mo!
Shame on you even if it was supposed to be funny. Find something original to make fun of instead of weight, and sexuality.
And yes I am curvy and proud of it!

Anonymous said...

i'm very much on the same boat as the anon poster above me. i hate the kardashians with a passion - they're so irrelevant to life in general most of the time i live life thinking they don't exist - but the commentary on khloe is bullshit.

i've grown up the smaller of twins, whereas my sister's always suffered from taunts and body issues from a genetic defunct basically.
how dare you call someone like khloe fat - because she's not a malnourished waif, that makes her fat? she has a rounder face than her sisters - sue her.
she's still got a smokin bod, and just from this commentary i see it tarnishing GB's site reputation for NOT being small minded.

nice one, assholes.

Anonymous said...

But it's totally okay to make fun of actresses for being too skinny? Double standard much? Actors are held to different standards than us normal folks, and Kloe brings it on herself, not only because she's an annoying, horrible person, but she's posing in a bathing suit. Making fun of celebs for how they look is a national pastime. Lighten up.

Anonymous said...

Oh Jesus Maria, get over it! The "attack" on Kartrashian was supposed to be funny and it damn well was. You two nutjobs sound like the ones that go to comedy clubs and heckle the performer for picking on fatties. Try laughing instead of getting on your high horses.

Callie said...

BobNYC, as long as you embroider it with a picture of Travis Fimmel.......

Thanks dollface, love ya right back.

Anonymous said...

Khloe is a tranny, Khloe is a tranny!!! Haaaaaaaaah

Anonymous said...

Hi Nonnie @ 7:15AM -
Let me guess you are a guy? Probably unattractive and get off on making fun of women b/c of their weight or b/c they are "ugly". Only because you never get LAID.
The point was that this kind of hate causes eating disorders. Sheesh. Some of the people who are commenting are as deep as a kiddie pool. Nutjobs? LMFAO
Who said "attack" anyway? You are the illiterate asshole. Yeah go learn English.

Anonymous said...

LOL nonnie 11:39, I am a very overweight lesbian that gets laid 2-3 times a day. Sorry, but I spelled nothing wrong in my post and I am not illiterate. If you'll notice, attack was italicized indicating humor/wit, both which you are sorely lacking. Have a nice life and thank you so much for causing me to have to lower myself to answering someone as pathetic as you. Clearly, you are ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY a nutjob. Alas my super fat wife is calling, time to get laid yet again........

Callie said...

Now now kiddies, everybody play nice.

Anonymous said...

Oh COME ON people. This is all meant to be fun. If I wanted to read idiotic comments like above, I would stick with Ted and his teenage Twilighters. Everybody relax and have a drink.

Anonymous said...

This site has become so much more negative. I miss the old Gossip Boy. And yeah, the comments about Khloe really aren't that funny. Making fun of clothing is one thing, but making fun of someone for being curvy or chubby or whatever you want to call it ... is incredibly immature.

udontknowme22 said...

Ha ha! "That's right, I said it"!! Epic.... as for the rest... nope, not touching that bad karma for nothing :-D